That was the question that I started that meeting with this leader.
Even though he’s been in his current senior executive leadership role for 4 years, Tom (not his real name) has been in this work for 25 years. At 55, this leader who grew up in India now leads a team of 40 across three continents. He’s led groundbreaking initiatives in rural healthcare access, pioneered innovative funding models for community development, and built partnerships that have transformed entire regions.
Without much small talk, Tom just unloaded. The weight of constant decision-making with stretched resources. The loneliness of being the one everyone looks to for answers, yet having nowhere to turn when he’s the one struggling. The exhaustion of carrying organizational vision while managing board expectations and staff burnout. The pressure of maintaining optimism publicly while privately wrestling with doubt. The guilt of choosing mission over family time, again and again.
“Who is pouring into you?” I’d asked.
At first, his response was, “I have this friend, he’s…” but quite quickly, he paused, looked down at the table, and quietly said, “No one.”
He then shared about how he knows better. How there was a season in his life when he was even giving advice, talks, speeches about the importance of having someone who’s pouring into you as a leader.
First, he listed what he knew were simply excuses: didn’t have the time, I’ve got it handled, finances are tight, everyone else needs it more than I do.
Before long, Tom confessed, “The truth is, I don’t think I’m worth pouring into.”
This moment breaks my heart every time—and it happens more often than you’d think. Leaders in purpose-driven organizations, who spend their lives investing in others, somehow convince themselves they don’t deserve the same investment.
Let me demystify coaching for a moment. Sometimes it’s just helping put things in perspective—creating space to step back from the urgent and see the important. Other times, it’s helping hold you accountable to leading in a way that brings the best out of both you and your team. Often, it’s providing tools and frameworks to navigate complex challenges more effectively.
But here’s one of the most underestimated values of coaching: permission. Permission to be human. Permission to struggle. Permission to not have all the answers. Permission to receive care instead of only giving it.
Leaders who pour out without being poured into eventually run dry—and our world needs purpose-driven leaders who are full, not empty.
Who is pouring into you?
At Rising Sun Consultants, we exist to help raise up the next generation of servant leaders passionate about pursuing purpose-driven ventures. We partner with organizations to build high-performance cultures that drive sustainable growth rooted in servant leadership.
